Crazy
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"The National Weather Service has issued a Tornado Warning for Arapahoe County in Colorado. Be sure to find shelter in a basement, bathroom or closet on the first floor."
When I woke up the sky was bright and the weather was warm. Very quickly however, it turned cold and dark.
For once the weather is reflective of my mood, not the other way around. It's strange, the weather describes perfectly the feelings I've already gone through today. Right down to the shortlived pitter-patter of rain.
It's very interesting.. Listening to the thunder while I thundered inside with anger. And now when it's all done, everything is quiet and still outside, while I sit here, void of any feeling with absolutely no thoughts passing through my mind. The wreckage of what's happened is all around me, a scarf, a doll, a gnome, a lock. Stripped bare of any meaning due to the words and actions of myself and another party.
I keep wanting someone to listen to me, and understand how I feel and help me. In some twisted way, this might have been a reminder that someone is always listening. It wasn't exactly what I was looking for but I suppose this is better, although I can't really explain why.. Something about tangibility and omnipresence, I guess. I never thought I would be looking toward such a thing for guidance.. Isn't that called God? Oh dear.. My kind-of-not-really-religious upbringing doesn't like that idea so much, because I don't care to know anything about God as a religious figure, and God as the Universe is too much for my small mind to understand at this time.
Sigh.. Growing up is such a painful process. Trying to teach me something by making me feel so worthless, stupid, and disposable.. At least I can see a sliver of blue sky but it's far far away..
I'm as crazy as the weather today.. |
Sunday June 7, 2009 | leave a comment (0) |
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